Only Human
by simplecrafter
Summary: Clare has never been appreciated or felt worthy enough and has an unusual way of letting it out. When Eli comes into her life, will he be able to change it all for her? FOR THE MOST PART, OOC FOR CLARE. HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**New Story Indeed. Clare is for the most OOC as well as Helen. Italics are song lyrics unless otherwise stated. **

**Enjoy**

It's hard

When no one appreciates you

You feel like you're never enough

You never meet their expectations no matter how hard you've been trying to fulfill them.

**xxxx**

"Are you proud? Four years straight in honor's classes?" Clare questioned her mother. She rushed home to brag about her accomplishment of being involved in honor's for yet another year.

"Sure."

"Sure? Mom, I've worked so hard for this. How about actually caring?"

"What do you want me to say? Good job sweetheart. Aim for straight A's next time."

"I got one B+. You never appreciate anything I do." Helen simply rolled her eyes at her daughter's criticism and made herself comfortable in her couch, tasting the menthol on her cigarette bud.

Clare beyond exhausted headed up to her room beyond frustrated and fell back on her bed. She dug through her bag and reclaimed her compass she used for Geometry. She opened it and lifted up her sleeve. She sucked in her lower lip trying to hold in the tears as she pressed the sharp metal down hard against her skin. She slid it across her wrist as a tear fell down her cheek falling on her wrist, causing a slight tingle.

_Maybe making me bleed will be the answer that will wash the slate clean_

_Everyday's the same, she fights to find her way. _

_She hurts, she breaks, she hides and tries to pray._

_She wonders why, doesn't anyone ever hear her when she cries?_

She threw the compass across the room, falling back down on her bed, holding a towel against her wrist. She suddenly felt a knock at her door. She quickly hid under her blanket and wiped her tears, "Yes?"

The door opened and it was undoubtedly her mother.

"I'm going out; I won't be back before you go to school."

"Nothing new." Clare mumbled.

"Okay well later. Love you."

"So you say." Clare responded but Helen was already behind the closed door and Clare wept herself to sleep that night.

**XXXX**

Clare awoke at the obnoxious sound of her alarm clock. She slammed her hand on top, discontinuing the noise and sat up in her bed. She rubbed her tired eyes and got up from the bed. She went through her everyday morning process as always; after she was all showered and clean, she slipped on her Degrassi hoodie they supplied her with, a pair of jean shorts and slipped on her converse. She grabbed her backpack and sped downstairs. She gazed the interior of the fridge and found nothing that interested her. She grabbed a fun out of the four she made the day prior. She pocked her keys and was out the door. She popped in her headphone buds and began listening to one of the most played songs on her phone music playlist.

_From the scrapes and bruises, to the familiar abuses_

_I'll kick and scream but it never changes anything_

_I could spill my guts out wearing my best little girl pout_

_And I almost missed it, but no one said this would be easy_

…_..I don't know how to word it; I just started to deserve it._

Clare picked up her pace considering she had about 10 minutes before the bell sounded. She soon arrived and on her way speeding to class, she crashed into a hard figure.

"Hey, I was looking for you." She pulled her headphones out of her hair and looked up and saw no other than KC Guthrie, her ex.

"Why?" She lowly asked.

"I….me and Jenna broke up."

"Okay."

"Clare, I'm really sorry about how things ended. And you changed, I mean look at you now."

"Everything's in the past, it's whatever." She said ignoring his indirect compliment. She began walking away and he grabbed her arm, pulling her back and a hint of her sleeve rolled her up revealing her hidden secret. She quickly pulled her sleeve back down.

"What the hell is that?" KC asked.

"Leave me alone."

"What is that shit? That's disgusting."

Clare swallowed the lump in her throat, tugged her arm out of his grip and walked off as she saw a guy watching the scene that just played out. He stood in his dark colored wardrobe, with his jet black hair, soft green eyes, filled with utter curiosity.

_She ignored his presence and walked off to class._

_Drift away to a place another kind of a light._

_Take away the pain, I create my paradise. _

_Everything I've had has hit the wall _

_What used to be yours isn't yours at all_

_He's under my skin; just give me something to get rid of him_

**REVIEW?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I will from now on always put the name of the songs at the end and I'm also gonna put the songs from the last chapter at the end. Enjoy**

_Weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart_

_Weep little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start_

_Rate yourself and rape yourself, take all the courage you have left_

_Waste it on fixing all the problems that you've made in your own head_

Clare sat in AP English, her chin resting on her hand. She was frankly uninterested in the lesson being taught. Suddenly the door opened and in walked a familiar face. The same guy watching the scene that played out with KC.

"Class, welcome Elijah."

"It's Eli." He quickly corrected.

"My apologies, class this is Eli. Make him feel welcomed. Feel free to take advantage of any empty seats."

He nodded and walked down the aisle and it was practically a coincidence the only available seat, was the seat next to Clare.

He sat down, threw his bag aside, pulling a marker out of his back pocket and began to color on his thumb. Ms. Dawes continued to lecture and soon allowed the students to work on their projects during class.

Clare awkwardly looked at the kid, wondering if he knew her deepest secret. If he knew how disgusting she really was and most of all, was he going to tell anyone?

"Hi." She softly spoke.

"Hi." He bluntly responded not looking up.

"So…that thing with the guy…you…um." She didn't exactly know how to phrase it without restating her problem.

"What?" He asked finally looking up.

"Do you know he was talking about when he was cursing at me?"

"Do you want me to know?"

"I'm just asking."

"No, I don't."

"Um okay." She awkwardly smiled and went back to doing her work. The bell rang about 15 minutes later; Eli got up grabbing his bag. "And even if I did, don't worry. I won't tell a single soul." He whispered in her ear. She shivered at his voice and watched him exit the classroom.

_So he did know_? Clare questioned.

**XXX**

Two periods sped by and Eli was making his way to the cafeteria. He sat isolated at his own table considering he didn't know anyone being the new kid. He took out his Palahniuk book and began to continue where he left off. He suddenly heard someone talking loudly. He looked up and saw the guy, the girl, his classmate was arguing with.

"Excuse Me!" He said standing on top of the table.

"Hey Degrassi, so you all know I previously went out with Clare Edwards." Eli looked over at Clare at another table and saw her wide, confused blue eyes.

"Well after I dumped her, turns out she turned all emo on me and started cutting herself. That's right, the sweet, innocent, smart, perfect girl isn't so perfect anymore." He looked down at Clare, "Payback's a bitch."

Eli looked towards Clare and saw her mouth fell agape as she had tears running down her face. She closed her mouth and ran out of the caf and everyone acted as if nothing just happened. Eli stuffed his book in his bag and walked out of the cafeteria. He looked down the hall left and right and didn't see her and began walking down the hall.

He walked further down and saw her sitting on the floor, leaning against what he assumed was her locker, her face buried in her palms. He walked up to her and sat down next to her, not saying a word. She felt someone's presence next to her and looked up.

"What are you doing?" She asked attempting to wipe her tears.

"Are you okay?" He asked digging in his bag, pulling out a tissue for her to wipe her face. She thankfully took it.

"I'm not okay actually, the whole school knows my most kept secret."

"So it's true?"

"Possibly but it isn't because he dumped me. I can care less about that."

"Then what's the reason?"

"I barely know you."

Eli shrugged, "Just trying to help because I understand."

Clare scoffed, "No one does."

"You ought to confide in people more." Eli responded lifting up his sleeves to reveal them to her.

She looked at his arm and back up at him and swallowed the lump forming in her throat. "Why do you?"

"We barely know each other, remember?" Eli said getting up. "Just remember if you need to anyone to talk to, I'm here." He winked at her before walking off.

XXX

Clare blushed to herself. _Did he wink at her? As if hitting on her?_ She pushed back the thoughts and made her way to Chem.

School was over in no time and Clare made her way to her locker to dump the books she didn't need. She took all the books out of her bag and closed the locker. She saw Eli walking out of the building, quickly closed her bag and ran after him.

"Eli, hey." She said breathlessly.

"Hey." He weakly smiled.

"Um are you going home?" She softly asked.

"I was planning on it."

"Okay, never mind."

"Why?"

"I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out but it's okay."

"Uh…we can hang out."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Where to?"

"Wanna go to the park?" She asked.

"Sure." Eli walked towards his car and Clare didn't bother questioning the hearse. She hopped in and not much longer, they arrived at the park. They hopped out of the car and made their way inside. They simply walked around the park. It was like a Central Park of Toronto.

"Where'd you move from?"

"Only from British Columbia."

Clare nodded, "Why?"

"Another story for another time."

Clare nodded as they continued to walk in silence.

"Why is KC such a dick to you?"

"He broke up with me and wants me back."

"If you don't mind me asking why did you guys break up?" Eli asked

"He liked another girl and I wasn't willing to have sex with him so he went out with her."

"Oh. You didn't love him?"

"I thought I did."

"Then what's the reason that stopped you from sleeping with him?" Eli asked.

"Purity ring." She held up her hand.

Eli nodded, "Takes a lot of courage."

"Yeah, but it's worth it."

Eli nodded as they continued to enjoy the silence and the scenery around them.

"I know you said we don't really know each other but why do you…you know harm yourself?" Eli hesitantly asked.

"Why do you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Then neither does mine."

"A beautiful girl like you shouldn't be doing that." Clare looked up at him then looked back down at her shoes, hiding her blush.

"Can you at least show me?" He asked.

"I don't think so."

"…Please?"

"Next time we hang up, promise."

"So there's gonna be a next time?" He questioned.

"I….uh…sorry. I'm sounding too pushy and weird and I'm sorry and…"

"It's fine Clare. I want there to be a next time." She breathed and nodded.

"I have to get going though, I have to go pick up my sister."

"Oh okay."

"Do you want me to drive you home?"

"No, I can walk."

"Well I'll drive anyway." He smirked as they began making their way back to Morty. They hopped in as Clare gave him directions. They soon arrived and Clare grabbed her bag from the back.

"Thank you for today. And not telling my secret."

"You welcome. Don't tell mine."

"It goes in the vault." She smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Eli nodded as Clare removed herself from the hearse and made her way to her front door. She turned around, waving to Eli and he winked. She blushed and walked in her house, closing it behind her. She smiled to herself as she lightly squealed.

_I—I couldn't be here if I tried._

_Couldn't get my body and my mind_

_Together at the same time._

_I don't know what's going on, I'm so far-gone_

_I can barely write a song._

_You got me daydreaming_

**Little Lion Man- Mumford and Sons. 2- Daydreaming-Nat Jay. The first song used in the last chapter was When She Cries-Britt Nicole. Second song is Alibis by Marianas Trench. Last one is Skin-Alexz Johnson. REVIEW. And I will update Count your Blessings when I get 2 more reviews**


	3. Chapter 3

_Start a new fashion , wear your heart on your sleeve_

_Sometimes you reach what's realest by making believe_

…_You might even wand up being glad to be you._

Clare hopped out of the shower wrapping herself in a towel. Eli and Clare had grown closer after thae past weeks and he recently asked her out and she happily obliged. She wasn't sure if was a date or just friends going out but in the back of her mind…she really hoped it was a date. She put on her undergarments and dressed in black skinny jeans, ballet shoes and a loose vintage shirt and a brown arm jacket. She dabbed on a bit of a make-up and gathered her thinks. She heard the honk outside and knew Eli was here. She quickly grabbed her bag and headed out the house.

She hopped in Morty, "Hey." She said giving him a hug.

"Hey, you look nice."

"Thank you." She blushed. "Which restaurant are we going to?"

"It's an Italian restaurant, I remember you said you liked pasta so yeah."

She smiled and nodded, "Yeah, thanks for remembering." For some reason she felt a bit awkward. They had been fine ever since but it was really troubling her that she didn't know whether to classify it as a date or not.

About 15 minutes later of driving, Morty soon came to a stop in front of the restaurant. Eli sped to her side and opened the door for her. She thanked him and they made their way inside, guided to a booth.

"What are you gonna get?" Eli asked.

"Linguini or alfredo, I'm not sure yet. What about you?"

"Shrimp alfredo." Clare nodded as she continued gaze the menu eventually opting for linguini. The waiter took their order and their menus and left the friends at the table.

"Is it me or is this awkward?" Clare questioned.

"It is, I don't why. Are you okay?"

"I'm great actually, I just…I don't know. This is weird."

"How so?"

"Is this date or…."

"I mean we're friends going out to eat so I guess you can classify it however you want."

She sadly nodded hoping he would actually say they were on a date and that he did have feelings for her.

"Clare, what's wrong? I feel like you're not being yourself."

"It's nothing, I promise."

"Is it…the cutting? Did you start doing it again?"

"No, I've stopped for like a week like I told you I would, that's not it. I just was kind of hoping we were on a date."

"Oh, well you can call it a date, it's not a big deal."

She sighed because Eli couldn't understand what she was hinting at.

"Clare, am I saying something wrong?"

"I'll just talk to you when we leave."

She nodded as their food soon came and they dug in to avoid any other awkward confrontations.

XXX

The dinner wasn't what she expected because evidently Clare's conclusions weren't reality. They pulled up to her house and Eli turned to her, "Will you tell me what's wrong?"

"I just really wanted this to be a date not just us going out as friends."

"Do you like me?" Eli perplexedly asked.

Clare hesitantly nodded, "Kind of."

"Oh um when did that start?"

"It doesn't matter, I just wanted to tell you so you don't think it was your fault. I'll go now." She said grabbing her bag.

"No Clare, you can't just tell me that and leave."

"I don't want to wait for a rejection."

"Who said I was gonna reject you?"

She sat back, looking at her intertwined fingers waiting for him to continue.

"I'm glad you like me, I mean thanks I guess. I like being with you and you're gorgeous and everything but I don't want to be with you."

"So I just waited for a rejection."

"I'm not rejecting you Clare. I don't want a girlfriend right now."

"Why not?" She asked looking up at him.

"I'm just not feeling it, eventually if I do, I'll let you know."

"So you expect me to wait around for you?"

"Okay, I'll tell you the real reason."

"Please." She begged.

"KC is obviously aggressive with you or was when you guys were together and if I go out with you, I'm scared he'll hurt you if you date someone else."

"Eli, please don't worry about him. He won't hurt me, I barely see him anymore."

"We can go slow if that's better, not relationship status yet though."

"Okay." She faintly smiled.

"You alright?" He questioned.

She nodded and smiled up at him, "Thank you."

"No problem." Eli softly gripped her face and leaned in, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Goodnight."

She blushed tremendously, "Goodnight." She said opening the door and making her way inside her house.

XXXX

"Eli, get off of me." Clare giggled. Clare was sleeping over his house, it was Saturday night and her parents didn't mind. They had been sleeping over each other's places for a while but it was different now considering they admitted their feelings towards each other.

Eli laughed as he continued to sit on top of Clare, putting all his weight on her.

"You're hurting me." She said waving her hands, hitting him. Eli eventually got off of her and Clare attacked him with a series of hits.

"You're an idiot." Eli laughed and kissed her cheek.

Clare lied in Eli's lap as he sat up against the wall. She played with the rings on his fingers as they sat in a comfortable silence.

"I think you should change into your pajamas." Eli said looking down at Clare.

"Why?"

Eli grabbed her bag and pulled out a pair of short shorts, "How did you get those?"

"I snuck them out your drawer and put them in."

"They're only for me to wear in my house."

"Can you please put them on for me?"

She shook her head, "They're really short Eli."

"Please." He pouted. She rolled her eyes, grabbed the shorts and head towards the bathroom.

Clare quickly slipped on the shorts and exited the bathroom. "Happy?" She asked.

"Very much." He smirked patting his lap. She walked over to him and sat sideways in his lap. Eli smirked at her as she leaned down on his shoulder. Eli tilted her head up to look at him. He gazed from her eyes to lips, as they were moving closer, the door swung open.

"Oh sorry guys, um dinner's ready." Cece awkwardly informed them. "But you can come down later."

"No, it's okay." Clare said quickly. "Come on." She said to Eli and they headed downstairs for dinner.

Eli was thankful that during dinner his mom didn't bring up the disturbance that happened prior. Dinner went by smoothly and Clare and Eli departed upstairs for bed.

**XXX Two weeks later.**

Clare was at Eli's house getting ready for the football came at school. It was about 7 and it was the biggest game of the year. Clare wasn't one to interact and school activities but Eli convinced her so they can spend time together. Clare dressed in her fitted blacks dance shorts, a white loose, sleeveless t shirt and slipped on a pair of converse. Eli dressed in a blue t shirt and shorts. Their schools colors were blue and white so it was normal for everyone to be dressed in those colors?"

"Are you ready?" Eli asked.

Clare nodded as they sped down the stairs and hopped in Morty.

XXX

It was about an hour to the game and it was beyond packed. Clare was a bit shaken up when she realized KC was now a part of the football team but with Eli's comfort, she let it go. It was currently 10 to 4, Degrassi being in the lead. Soon rain drops began to fall from the sky.

"Oh no." Clare looked up towards the gray clouds.

An announcement was soon made, _We will be bringing umbrellas around, the game will continue. We apologize for the inconvenience._

"Can I have your jacket?" Clare asked. He took it off and gave it to her and she put it on top of her head. Eli laughed at her and kissed her cheek. The raining picked up and Eli and Clare continued to watch the game. The rain didn't seem to struck the players at all, considering it was the finale they probably didn't want to postpone it. Clare leaned into Eli's shoulder and threw her legs over his lap.

"You alright?" Eli asked.

She looked up to him and nodded. They didn't break eye contact for a while. "Clare…"

"Hmm?"

"I want to be your boyfriend." He said caressing her cheek.

"Are you sure?" She asked nervously biting her lip.

He nodded in reply, "Please be my girlfriend."

She blushed and nodded, "Of course." Eli kissed her cheeks and they continued to watch the game. Clare was squealing internally not even focusing on the game. Eventually, the umbrellas got around to them and Clare didn't need the jacket over her head so she put Eli's jacket on.

After about another hour passed by, the game had come to an end leaving points to be 25 to 23, Degrassi winning the finale. There were cheers, claps, chants, confetti being thrown throughout the place.

"Come on." Clare said grabbing Eli's hand so they can make their way down the bleachers. Eli pulled her back and caressed her cheek. Clare didn't respond and continued to gaze into Eli's eyes.

"I'm gonna kiss you." She whispered against his lips.

"Please." She softly responded. She saw him coming closer and soon his lips were attached to hers. Their lips slowly moved in sync against each other's. Eli gripped Clare's hips pulling her closer to him. Clare wrapped her arms around his neck and they continued to kiss until she pulled back, flush.

"Sorry, I just needed to do that."

Clare smiled, "I liked it."

Eli smirked, pecking her lips as they made their way down the bleachers. As they were walking out the field, Clare felt someone tug on her arm. She turned around and it was no other than KC.

"Leave me alone." Clare said.

"I wanna talk to you."

"No." Clare said trying to walk away until he pulled her back.

"Don't touch her." Eli said pulling Clare into his side.

"Stay the fuck out of it, Clare please, just a talk."

"No, I hate you. Don't talk to me."

KC whispered in her ear, "Do you want me to tell your little boyfriend what happened when we were together?"

"You wouldn't."

"But I would."

"Why are so mean?"

"Babe, come on." Eli said gently tugging on her arm.

"No, wait. I'll just talk to him."

"Clare, no. Why?"

"Just 2 minutes, I promise." KC took Clare's arm and led her aside on the bleachers where everyone had departed from.

"What do you want?"

"Why are you with him?"

"Because I like him obviously."

"Clare, please just be with me."

"No KC, I don't like you. You ruined everything and I don't want to talk to you."

"I'm gonna tell him."

"Why are you trying to ruin my relationship?" Clare questioned.

"Because I don't like his emo ass and I want you back."

Clare scoffed and got up to make her way down until KC pulled her back, "Let me kiss you please."

"Get off of me, I need to go to Eli."

"Clare, one kiss."

"No, stop." She groaned trying to push him off.

"Fine, you fucking bitch." He pushed her down the bleachers at least 5 benches.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Clare yelled in pain.

She felt the back of her head and saw blood on her fingers. She struggled to get up, eventually did and limped to Eli.

"What happened?"

"I need to go to hospital." She cried.

"Why?"

"He pushed me down the bleachers, my head is bleeding and my leg hurts."

"That fucking asshole, I told you not to go." He yelled.

"Don't scream at me Eli, take me to the doctor please." She begged.

Eli sighed and picked her up, her legs wrapped around his waist and her face buried in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He whispered in her ear. Clare didn't respond and continued to cry.

_I've lost who I am_

_I can't understand_

_Why my heart is so broken?_

XXX

Eli and Clare were driving back to his house after she was in the hospital. She had to get her stiches in the back of her head. She leaned against the car window as Eli continued to drive.

"Are you feeling okay?" Eli asked rubbing her thigh.

She shook her head, "It hurts."

"You can lay down when we get upstairs, what was he talking about?"

"Who?"

"KC, why did you want to?" Eli questioned.

"He was telling me wanted to get back together and tried to kiss me, when I told him to stop, he pushed me."

"I don't want to yell but why would you go with him if you knew he hurt you before."

"He has something against me and I had to."

"What is it? It can't be that bad."

Clare shook her head, "It doesn't matter."

Eli didn't respond and they soon pulled up in front of his house. He got up and opened the door for her, "Is your leg feeling better? You want me to carry you?"

She nodded and Eli leaned in to pick her up. He closed the door with her foot and made his way to her door. He unlocked it and made his way inside.

"Everything okay?" Cece questioned the site in front of her.

"We're good, we're going to sleep."

Cece nodded as Eli carried Clare upstairs. He finally reached her room and lied her down, "You okay?" She nodded and curled into the cold covers.

Eli changed into pajamas and curled together with Clare.

"I'm sorry Eli."

"For what?"

"Not listening to you." She mumbled. "I was stupid to go with him."

"What does he have against you? Can you tell me please?" He asked caressing her side.

"I can't tell you, you'll break up with me."

"I won't, I promise." Clare shook her head.

"Okay, one day please. I really want to know."

"Okay, just not now." Eli nodded as he caressed her side. Clare cuddled into Eli's chest falling asleep. Eli's thoughts rambled as he tried to figure out what it was. How bad could it really be?

_So I lay my head back down_

_And I lift my hands and pray_

_To be only yours, I pray_

**REVIEW? IDEAS? First song is Ever ever after by Carrie Underwood. Second is Shattered by Trading Yesterday. Last song is Only Hope by Mandy Moore. DEGRASSI SPECIAL TONIGHT! FHJNSCDJSDJ MY ECLARE HEART JUST WANTS HAPPINESS ALREADY.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Guys, I'm American too and I still saw the episode, there's a link going around on tumblr.**

**Sad chapter is sad~**

Clare awoke early and didn't recognize her surroundings. When she got used to the sun flashing in her eyes, she realized she was in Eli's room, in his bed. She looked over to him and caressed his cheek. She was contemplating whether or not she should tell him about what KC had against her. She wanted to but didn't know what his reaction would be and didn't want to risk it.

Her phone vibrated and she grabbed it off of his computer table and read the text, _Where are you?- Mom_

She ignored it knowing her mom frankly didn't give two shits. She realized she had another message and opened it, _Did you tell him? –Unknown Number. _She already knew it was KC without knowing the number. And why did he still even have her number?

Her jaw clenched and she threw her phone aside. Why was he trying to torture her and ruin her relationship? He broke up with her and was still making her life a living hell. She teared as she got up from the bed.

She went to Eli's bathroom and grabbed an unopened razor out of the cabinet. She settled on the carpeted floor and slid the razor across her wrist, trying to hold in her tears. Her life was hell and there was no other choice.

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?_

_Do you ever feel out of place?_

_Like somehow you just don't belong_

_And no one understands you_

_Do you ever wanna runaway?_

_Do you lock yourself in your room?_

_With the radio on turned up so loud _

_That no one hears you screaming_

Clare rested her head against the wall as she pressed the razor harder. She suddenly saw the door behind twisted open and held it closed. How could she have forgotten to lock the door?

"Clare, are you in there?" She heard Eli ask.

She continued to cry and tried her best to hold the door closed with the blood dripping from her wrist.

"Clare, open the door. Are you okay?"

She continued to cry and didn't respond.

"I'm gonna slam open the door so move back or open it."

She cried even more as she quickly got a towel covering her wrist and let go of the door. Eli stood above her shirtless with his plaid pajama pants with a concerned look. He knelt door next to her, "You okay?" He looked on the floor and saw the blood covered razor. He looked at her arm and clenched his jaw as he tried to remove the towel but Clare held it in place.

"Let me see."

She shook her head as she pulled her wrist away.

"Stop crying and let me see." He said assertively. She moved the towel and looked down at the rug.

"I thought you stopped."

"I did."

"Then why did you do it again? And stop crying, I'm not gonna be able to understand you."

She wiped her tears from her face and held the tears in, "It doesn't matter just can you leave?"

"No, why are you doing it?"

"KC is making my life a living hell and I cant take it."

"What is he doing?"

"I told you."

"What the hell is it that he's holding against you that can make you cut yourself again? It's so stupid, just tell me. You're not getting anywhere by hurting yourself again and I'm not gonna break up with you if it's bad, I can care less what is it, I'm just tired of you being upset and I don't know have a damn clue what -"

"I HAD AN ABORTION." Clare yelled interrupting his never ending rant.

Eli's eyes widened as he turned to her, "Excuse me?"

"I got pregnant and had an abortion."

"By him?"

She nodded in response as she began crying again.

"I thought you were a virgin."

She shook her head.

Thoughts and questions started popping up in his head that he needed to ask, "Did you want to do it or did he force you?"

Clare fell into his shoulder and began to bawl and Eli already knew the answer.

"He raped you?" He whispered in her ear.

She nodded and sobbed in his chest.

Eli kissed her curls whispering things along the lines of it's okay, I'm here for you.

"Are you disgusted now? Don't wanna be with me anymore?" She asked looking up at him.

"Why wouldn't I want to be with you? That wasn't your fault and even if you did have sex before by choice, I wouldn't care or the abortion, it was your choice."

"I went against my religion, I feel like such a slut."

"But you're not, he's just a jackass for doing that. Do your parents know about any of it? The hitting, raping, anything?"

She shook her head, "They can't know or they're gonna murder me."

"It wasn't your fault."

"But once they find out I had an abortion, it will be." Eli sighed and stood her up. He cleaned her cuts and covered them with gauze. He picked her up and brought her back to his room. Eli sat on his bed leaning against the wall with Clare in his lap.

"Is that what he had against you?"

Clare nodded, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Eli, promise me you'll stay with me please, no matter how much you find out."

"Is there more or something?"

"Just promise me."

"I promise." He said pecking her lips.

"Are you ready to hear the other thing?" She asked looking up at him.

"I'm not sure, how bad is it?"

"I don't know how you're gonna take it."

"Tell me."

"He's not the only one I had sex with."

"How many guys did you?"

"A lot."

"That's not a number."

"I don't know, I remember."

"It was so many you cant remember? Was it by choice?"

"Maybe."

"What do you mean maybe, Clare? It's yes or no. Did you fuck those guys because you wanted to?"

Clare cringed as she felt Eli's body becoming tense and knew he was getting mad.

"Yes."

"You're disgusting." He threw her off his lap and got up from the bed.

"Eli, let me explain please."

"What the hell can you say to make this any better?"

"You just said you wont leave me, please let me explain."

"Go ahead."

"Can you sit down with me?"

"Just talk."

"I only did that because after KC raped me, I wanted to feel like I had a choice and I did it with those guys to feel like I was in control, that's it. It was only to get over the fact that I got raped."

"How can you live with yourself knowing you did that? And did you not care about future boyfriends you would have?"

"I live with it because it helped me and I didn't think I would get a boyfriend again. You're acting like I cheated on you, this shouldn't affect you as much as it is because I didn't even know you."

"It still hurts. And even, possibly when we're ready to take that next step, I wouldn't want to knowing you had sex with that many guys."

"Wow, so you would reject me even if I wanted to?"

"I don't know what I would do, this is just too much."

"You're not really being a good boyfriend right now. I just told you I was raped and got an abortion and all you have been doing is yelling at me and accusing me of being this slut and disgusting. You're not making me feel any better."

"I'm sorry, it's just…a lot."

"You think I don't know that? I had to deal with it all by myself."

Eli sat back on the bed with her and pulled her in his lap, "Im sorry I'm not helping, I just….I don't understand any of it."

"Then tell me what you don't understand so I can make you get it. Ask me anything, just please don't call me disgusting again. That hurt Eli and you're acting like I don't know it already."

"You're not disgusting Clare, I was just mad. That was your business before and I'll deal with it."

She nodded, "Do you want to ask me something or are you okay?"

"Why didn't you tell someone he raped you?"

"Because he did what every rapist does. He threatened to kill me and then when I told him I was pregnant, he told me he was gonna kill me and the baby.

"Why did you get an abortion if it's against your religion?"

"I couldn't deal with it, I was 14 and my parents would have murdered me, even if I did say he raped me, I wasn't supposed to have a boyfriend let along be in his house alone."

"Were the other guys you had sex with strangers?" Clare shamefully nodded her head.

"Did you use protection with them?"

"Of course, I'm not that stupid Eli."

"I'm just asking….Please tell me how many guys it was." He pleaded rubbing her sides.

"I don't remember."

"Was it over 5?" Clare nodded.

"Over 10?" Clare nodded again not making eye contact.

"Please don't tell me it goes that high."

"No, it doesn't. It wasn't more than 15, I'm sorry."

"How can you do that? I don't understand. Let random strangers get in your pants like that."

"I was stupid, I know."

"And what guy has sex with a 14 year old girl, that's repulsive."

"Guess they were desperate too." She muttered.

Eli shook his head knowing if they eventually did have sex, he would be probably the 15th, 16th order whatever number guy she had sex with and it disgusted him to know that.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I don't know." He responded looking up at her. "Please tell me that's all, you told me everything?"

She nodded and bit her inner lip nervously.

"How would you feel if I had sex with like 20 girls?"

"It wasn't 20." She defended herself.

"15, 20, whatever. How would you feel?"

"Like you take sex for granted and just hook up with anyone. I wouldn't want to do it with you."

"That's exactly how I feel."

"I'm a filthy slut, I get it. You don't ever have to sleep with me if you don't want to."

"I want to, so bad but now I just don't know."

"It's whatever Eli, I'm gonna go home." Clare said frustrated that he just wouldn't understand what she went through.

"Why?"

"I just want to go to sleep, you'll just never understand it."

"I'm trying but it's hard."

"You're not trying Eli, you don't get it and you can't ever understand. I'm actually not sorry, I did what I did because it helped with what happened and I didn't know you so you have no right to be mad at me."

Eli didn't respond as Clare got dressed.

"I'll see you later." Eli didn't respond as Clare walked downstairs and out of his house.

_To be hurt_

_To feel lost_

_To be left out in the dark_

_To be kicked when you're down_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you _

_No you don't know what it's like_

_Welcome to my life_

**Both italic verses are from the same song, Welcome to my Life by Simple Plan. Leave Ideas? I want them to make up next chapter but I don't know how. Leave ideas and reviews**


	5. Chapter 5

Eli felt kind of bad that he was belittling her after he just confessed her deepest secrets to him. Instead of actually comforting her like a good boyfriend, he just pointed out everything wrong he noticed without trying to see things from her point of view. Though, he was awfully disgusted what she did, he wanted to get in her shoes and understood what his girlfriend went through so he decided to go over to her house.

He took a shower and got dressed and grabbed his phone and keys and hopped in Morty.

XXXX

Clare was beyond devastated. That wasn't exactly how she planned telling him would go. She figured she'll tell him to avoid KC saying anything, Eli would be mad at a sec but he'll understand what she went through, let it go and bam, back to where they were. But everything went wrong, just like her life. As soon as she arrived home, she had changed out of her clothes and put on some shorts and a t shirt and cuddled in bed. She opened her nightstand drawer and pulled out the razor. The razor she hadn't used to cut in a while but was about to cave for the second time today. She lied with her back down and held her wrist up as she began to the painful process again with tears falling down her face.

XXXX

Eli finally arrived at Clare's house through the semi traffic. He hopped out and climbed on her balcony. It was cracked open and he saw her harming herself again.

"Clare, what the hell?" She jumped at the sound of Eli's voice and threw the razor on the floor.

"Get out!" Eli picked up the razor and threw it far out the window.

"Again? Why?"

"Because you hate me." She cried turning into her pillow. "The one person I had hates me."

"Clare, I don't hate you."

"You're a bad liar. You called me a slut Eli. What boyfriend does that? Just leave me alone please."

"Clare, I'm sorry for everything I said. I came over here because I'm sorry and I want to understand, it's just so hard to take it all in in one day."

"Eli, I know it is. It's overwhelming but I had to go through it alone. That's what you don't get, if you're frustrated just listening to it, imagine what I went through with it actually happening to me. KC always called me a slut, dirty and disgusting and when you said that…." Clare shook her head not being able to get the words out and cried some more.

Eli pulled Clare up and buried her face in his shoulder. "Clare, I love you." She heard him say.

She pulled back from his shoulder and looked at him with her tear stained face, "What?"

"I love you. A lot."

"And as soon as I say it back, you're gonna rape me right? And say it isn't rape because I'm in in love with you?"

"Clare, what? No. Clare, I love you. I promise and I would never do something like that."

"I cant do this Eli." Clare said getting up from the bed. "Can you leave please?"

"What do you mean _this_? You cant do us?"

She shook her head, "I'm sorry, my past is ruining our relationship and I cant put you through that."

"Clare, no." Eli said getting up to her. "I don't care, just please don't break up with me."

She shook her head, "I'm sorry." And unwrapped his arms from around her waist.

"I just told you I love you, you know you're breaking my heart right now."

"And you broke mine like an hour ago."

"And I'm sorry Clare, please don't do this." Eli begged, his eyes filling with tears, daring to let them drop.

"Can you go?" She asked looking down, avoiding eye contact.

Eli swallowed the lump in his throat as he began to cry and walk out to her balcony. Clare heard him sniffing and went out to him and turned his around. "Why are you crying?"

"Cus you just broke up with me." He said as if she was stupid.

"I don't get why you're crying, you're free of me and my past. You should be celebrating."

"I don't want to be free of you Clare, I'm in love with you and it killed me that you just broke up with me."

Clare looked down, biting her inner lip as Eli looked down at her confused, "I'm gonna go then." He said breaking the silence.

"Eli, no." She said stopping him.

"What? You just told me to leave."

She shook her head, "I love you too."

"Why the hell would you say that? You broke up with me, told me to leave and now you tell me you to love me. For what? Why the hell would you want to hurt me more?"

"No Eli, I…I don't want you to leave."

"What?"

"I love you and I'm sorry. Please stay."

Eli scoffed, "You're a mess."

"I know." She teared.

"But I love you." She looked up to him with her big blue eyes and smiled when she saw the smirk on his face. She moved closer to him wanting him to get the hint to kiss her.

"Are you hinting at something?" He teased.

She nodded and wiped his tears with her thumb.

"What do you want?"

"Eli!" She pouted not wanting to be up front about it.

"Just tell me what you want and I'll give you it."

"You know what I want Eli, just shut up and -" Eli smashed his lips to hers, interrupting what she was saying. Their lips moved at the same pace against each other's. Eli gripped her waist as she glided his tongue in his mouth. Clare immediately returned it and wrapped one leg around his. Eli picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. The kiss got more intense until Eli pulled back.

"I love you." He said in between kisses.

"I love you too. So much."

"Come on. We're going out." He said putting her down.

"Where?"

"Just get dressed." Clare smiled as she made her way in her room. Eli slapped her butt and she glared at him. "I'll wait in the car." Clare nodded as Eli hopped off the balcony.

XXXX

They were driving and Clare kept begging to know where they were going. Eli pulled up in front of a grocery store and she looked at him, "Food shopping?"

"We're gonna cook together."

"Yay, I love cooking." Eli laughed at her as she hopped out of the car and opened the door for Clare. She thanked him and they grabbed a shopping cart and made their way inside.

"What do you want to eat?"

"Chicken and rice. Is that good?" She asked.

"Whatever you want." She smiled as they went into the freezer aisle and picked out a pack of cutlets. They walked into the grain aisle and grabbed a box of rice.

"Wait, I want junk food." Clare said pushing the cart to another aisle. Eli playfully rolled his eyes at her as she followed her. She sighed as she realized the chips were all the way on top where she would need a ladder.

"Eli, can you give me the pretzels?"

He looked up to it then back at her, "I'm not that much taller than you, I cant get that." She sighed and hopped in shopping cart. "What are you doing?"

"Getting my pretzels, hold the cart."

Eli held it as she stood up in the cart and reached for them. Eli laughed as they got odd looks from by passers. Eli saw an employee coming and his eyes widened, "Clare, quick. Get down."

"No, I need my chips." She said reaching as far as she could.

"Hurry, an employee-What are you doing?" She heard someone interrupt Eli.

Clare heard a deep voice and awkwardly looked down, "Um getting chips." She said embarrassed.

"Has it occurred to you to ask someone?"

"I'm sorry."

"Get down."

Clare awkwardly turned to Eli and mouthed a 'help me.'

He laughed as he held his arms out. She hopped in his arms and he put her down. The guy got the pretzels and handed them to her.

"Wait, can you give me the cheez doodles too please." The employee rolled his eyes and got her the chips.

"Thank you." She said embarrassingly as he walked away. Eli bust out in rounds of laughter. "That isn't funny." She said hitting him.

"It kinda was, your face is so red." He smirked.

She glared at him and threw her junk in the cart and began pushing it to the front of the store. Eli pulled up behind her, her back against his front as he began pushing the cart as well.

"I'm sorry." He said kissing her neck. "I just thought it was funny."

"It's okay." She faintly smiled and stood in a line.

"Do you even know how to make this? Because I don't.

"I do but that doesn't mean you're not gonna do any work."

Eli playfully rolled his eyes as they put the items up for the cashier to scan.

XXXX

"Alright, what first?" Eli asked as they were unpacking the bags.

"Boil some water." Eli got the pots and stuff out considering Clare didn't know where they were. While Eli was waiting for the water to boil, he saw Clare washing the chicken and lying them out on a pan.

"You should cook shirtless." He said kissing her neck.

"I'm good." She said unwrapping his arms.

"Please, I will too."

"Okay." She smiled. "Shirt off." Eli laughed and took off his shirt, throwing it in the living room. Eli tugged at her shirt and she took it off. "So beautiful." He said caressing her waist.

Clare pecked his lips and continued to wash and lay out the chicken. "You season it." She said hopping on the counter.

"What to put on it?"

"You can put anything."

Eli took random seasonings out of the closet and put a dab of them all. "That's it?" Clare nodded as Eli put in the oven setting it at 450.

He sat on the counter with her, "Should I put the rice in?"

"Go ahead." She said. He hopped back off and threw the rice in the pot. "How long do we wait?" He asked rubbing her thighs. "Like 45 minutes." Eli nodded as he kissed her thighs.

"You're so cute without a shirt." Eli said staring at her breasts. She pulled his head up to look at her, "Don't stare."

"Sorry." He said kissing her lips. "They're just so big."

She giggled and kissed his lips and hopped off the counter. She went in his living room and turned on the TV lying on the couch. Eli made his way over to her and sat on her lap.

"Ugh Eli, you're heavy. Stop." He moved to straddle her waist and caressed her cheek. "Make out with me."

Clare leaned up to Eli and captured his lips in a kiss. Eli pushed her back down and deepened the kiss. She wrapped her legs around his waist as the kiss grew more intense. Eli pulled back from the kiss and began to trail kisses down her neck.

He move down to the valley of her breasts and began leaving soft kisses. Clare let out a soft whimper as she looked down at Eli.

He tugged at her bra strap and asked for her permission. She nodded as Eli sat her up. He unclasped her bra and set it aside. He continued to trail kissed along her neck as he reached down her breast and took one in his mouth. He licked and swirled his tongue around her nipple while tugging the other.

"Eli…" She softly moaned.

He looked up towards her, "You okay?"

She nodded, "Don't stop."

Eli took her breast in her mouth again and sucked on it leaving a hickey.

"So big." He groaned before taking her other breast in his mouth. He chewed her on nipple as Clare groaned arching her back.

Eli pulled back, lastly giving long sucks to both of them. He moved back up to Clare's lips and kissed her.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He responded. He longingly stared in her eyes as he trailed his hands down her stomach to her shorts and began to unbutton them.

"What are you doing?" She lightly questioned.

"You don't want to?"

She shook her head and sat up, "I thought you didn't want to have sex with me."

"Please don't bring that up. Or anything that happened before."

"I'm just saying, I thought we weren't going to."

"But I want to."

"I don't though, at least not this soon."

"Okay." Eli said getting up off of her. "Sorry."

"No it's fine, you didn't do anything wrong." She grabbed her bra and clasped it back and put it on. "Is the food ready?" Eli asked.

"You should check it."

Eli nodded and got up and checked the chicken realized it was done. He grabbed the oven mitt and took it out the oven. He turned off the rice and prepared plates for him and Clare. He brought both the plates to the living room and Clare thanked him.

"What do you want to drink?"

"Just give me water." Eli nodded and got them two glasses of drinks. He gave Clare's hers and sat hers down.

"Put your plate down." He said sitting down. "Why?"

He took her plate out her hand and put it on the table. He picked her up to sit in between his legs. She smiled at him and kissed his lips passing him his plate and grabbed hers. They ate their food while watching TV until they were soon done.

"You're good?" Clare asked. He nodded and she took their plates and walked into the kitchen, discarding their dishes in the sink. She walked over to Eli and hopped in his lap.

Eli rubbed his hand over her revealed skin as she rested in his lap, her head on his shoulder.

He began to kiss her neck softly and she tried not to get turned on at his soft touches and kisses.

"Eli, can you stop?"

"I'm sorry, having you shirtless on my lap is hard."

She turned around to him and sat on the table in front of them. She looked down at his pants and noticed the bulge.

"Does that hurt?" She asked.

"Kinda but it's okay."

Clare reached for his pants and unbuckled them, "What are you doing?"

"It hurts so I want to make it better."

Eli smirked, "Thanks but you don't have to do that, I'll make it go away."

"You pleased me a bit and I just want to reciprocate to some extent."

"Okay." Eli muttered. "If you want."

Clare sucked in her bottom lip and unzipped his pants tugging them down. Eli arched his hips as Clare pulled down his pants and boxers. She looked at his erection and grew wide eyes.

"Don't just stare please." Eli begged.

"Sorry, it's just wow." She smiled before wrapping her hand around his erection. She slowly pumped her hand over her length. She looked up at Eli and saw his head fall back and his mouth fell open, "Ahh!"

"Is it okay?"

He nodded not being able to form words. "Faster." He choked out. She listened to Eli's request and pumped her first faster.

"I haven't done this in so long, Oh my god Clare. Faster please." She picked up the pace and just as she was daring to use her mouth, they heard the front door open. Clare quickly grabbed Eli's pants to give them to him.

"Fuck." He mumbled as he tried to put them on.

"Hey Eli-Whoa." Cece said covering her eyes. The couple grew nervous as Cece told them to come upstairs for a talk.

**SEX TALK NEXT CHAPTER. REVIEW**


	6. Chapter 6

**It took a bit of time but I finally updated. Warning, this chapter and the next chapter will be sad. **

**And M.E. Potter, I do know Eli's parents are chilled but they aren't that OOC in this, theyre just concerned for Eli but I guess you can say theyre a bit OOC and Clare's parents are OOC in this story in general. **

**Enjoy**

_If I could pretend to fall,_

_If I could pretend to fall a little bit_

_Fall a little out of love,_

_Falling out of love with you_

_I can't, I can't a little bit_

Eli awkwardly slipped his clothes back on as Clare threw on her shirt.

"You okay?" Eli asked.

Clare nodded, "Just scared."

"Don't worry about it." He said kissing her lips. "Come on." He took her hand and walked up to his parents room and saw his mom unpacking the bag of clothes she brought and distributing them in her closet and drawers.

"Mom." Eli awkwardly spoke.

"Oh, okay. Let's go downstairs." They head back downstairs with Cece following.

Eli and Clare sat on the couch they were on previously and Cece sat on the table across from them.

"Are you guys having sex?" Cece asked bluntly.

"No, we're not." Eli answered.

"Then what was that?"

"….Not sex, you know what it is mom."

"Have you guys had sex at all?"

"No, we haven't."

"How long has this…pleasuring without sex been going on?"

"It was just this once."

"Are you a virgin?" Cece asked Clare.

Clare's face fell flushed and she shook her head.

"You don't have STD's or anything, right?"

"MOM!" Eli yelled. "Stop."

"What Elijah? It's a simple question."

"She doesn't, so can you stop?"

"Out of curiosity, how many guys have you….? I know Eli did with his last girlfriend but how many have you slept with?"

Clare looked up at Eli and down embarrassingly. "Mom, don't worry about it, it's none of your business."

"I'm just asking, making sure you're safe."

"That's my job, not yours. Can you go?"

"Why are you guys being so suspicious? Did she have sex with_ that_ many guys?"

Before either one of them responded, Clare separated her hand from Eli's and walked out of the front door.

"Thanks a lot mom."

Eli sighed as he got up from the couch and walked out of the house and noticed Clare on their front porch swing.

He sat down next to her and rubbed her back, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, just needed to get out of there before it got any worst."

"It's alright and even if you did tell her what you did in the past, she wouldn't care. She isn't judgmental, she's just making sure her son is safe."

"I get that but doesn't she know we can do that on our own?"

"I don't know just come back inside please." Eli said kissing her cheek.

She nodded and got up following Eli back into the house.

"Eli, let me talk to her for a minute."

"Mom, no."

"Elijah, go to your room and let me talk to her." Eli knew when she used his full name, she was serious. "I love you." Eli whispered in her ear before pecking her cheek and walking upstairs.

Clare awkwardly walked back to the couch and sat down.

"Why did you leave?"

"You were making me uncomfortable." She muttered.

"How many guys have you slept with? I'm not gonna judge."

"I'm not comfortable telling my boyfriend's mom that."

"Just please for my son's safety."

"He already knows, why do I have to tell you?"

"Because I have the power to end this relationship." Cece spat back. Of course she wasn't, but she needed something to get it out of her.

"You wouldn't."

"If you don't tell, I will."

"Well I don't even know the number so…."

"Then approximate."

"15 dammit, can you stop interrogating me?"

Cece's eyebrows formed together in a questioning look.

"15 guys? You had 15 boyfriends?"

"Look, I respect you and your concern for our sex life but Eli and I are not having sex so it's none of your business, I'm sorry." Clare said getting up and walking back upstairs.

"Everything okay?" Eli quickly jumped up from his bed.

"Not really, I had to get out of there."

"What did she say?"

"She asked me how many guys, I told her but I didn't want it to go further than that, so I ended the conversation."

Eli nodded understanding her perspective, "Do you wanna go out? To The Dot? Grab a coffee or something? Forget about the whole thing?"

"Sure." She smiled. Eli put on some different clothes, grabbed his wallet and head back downstairs, "We're going to The Dot." He said indirectly walking out the house before his mom can object.

XXX

Cece was talking to Bullfrog in their since he came home from the radio station.

"I just don't think she's good for him."

"You don't know her Cece."

"From what she told me, I don't think she's right. She has had sex with at least 15 guys, that's like her age Bullfrog, that's ridiculous. I don't understand how Eli is okay with that."

"It's their relationship and maybe there's a reason behind it, just stay out of it."

"Fine, but when she has sex with another guy while she's still with Eli, I'm gonna say I told you so."

"Alrighty then." Bullfrog said lying down so he can get some rest frankly not interested in what his wife had to say.

XXX

Eli and Clare were in the park. He rested on a tree bark as Clare sat in between his legs.

"It hasn't gotten any better, they still act like I don't exist." She explained about her parents.

"Well you have me and my family."

"Well your mom hates me now."

"She doesn't hate you."

She looked up at him, "You cant tell me she doesn't think I'm a slut."

"She doesn't." Eli defended.

She didn't responded and adjusted herself to sit sideways in his lap, her head still resting on his shoulder.

"Clare, I love you and even if they have problem with you, I don't care. I'm not leaving you"

She blushed and looked up to him and kissed his lips. "Good because I have to tell you something and I don't know how you're gonna take it."

"Oh god, what is it?"

"Don't be mad please." She asked looking up at him, holding his hands.

"Just tell me."

"I did it again."

"You cut?"

She bit her inner cheek and nodded.

"Where?"

She was wearing shorts and pointed to her thigh.

"I don't see anything." She wiped her leg, wiping away the makeup she used to cover it and revealed a big scar.

"When did you do this?"

Clare shrugged, "Like two days ago."

"Why the hell are you still doing it Clare? You told me you'll stop. I stopped as soon as I met you, why cant I be your encouragement?"

"You are, Ive stopped a lot but it's hard to stop completely Eli. I love you and I'm sorry."

He shook his head and got up, separating their hands.

"Eli, where are you going?" She called out.

"Just let me think." He said walking away from her. She sighed and wiped her bottom lids filled with unshed tears. She simply leaned against the tree bark waiting for him to come back.

She wrapped her arms around her legs out of insecurity. About an hour later, he came back. "C'mon."

"Where are we going?" She asked getting up.

"I'm taking you home."

"To my house? Eli, no. I don't wanna go."

"Clare, I cant do this anymore."

"What? Eli, you cant break up with me."

"You're not stopping and it's killing me Clare. I can't do it and something's going to happen and I'm not dealing with another one of my girlfriend's dying. Clare, I'm not."

"I'll stop, I promise." She said holding tightly on to him and not wanting him to leave.

"You said that so many times before."

"But I mean it Eli, I need you. I'll stop for you, please."

"I can't trust that you will."

"Elijah, please." She cried. "I love you and I can't do this by myself."

Eli let out a deep breath, "Fine, one more time and that's it. We're done."

"Okay, thank you." She said wrapping her arms around his neck. "Thank you so much, I need you to stay with me."

"Let's just go, I'm still taking you home."

"Why?" She asked pulling away from him.

"I'll come with you, I just want to let my mom be." Clare nodded as they hopped back into his hearse and drove to her house. Eli pulled up in front of it and they both got out and went inside. Clare saw her mom passed out with beer bottles on the table. She looked at Eli and faintly smiled. Clare went to wake her mom up to ask if she knew what time her dad was getting home. Eli looked around her house and took in how messy and not together it was from the last time he came. She came back over to him, "C'mon." She said taking his hand and walking up to her room.

She hopped on her bed with Eli, "My house isn't like yours and neither are my parents."

"It's okay." He said caressing her side. "It seemed like it got a lot worst since we first met."

"Yeah, unfortunately." She weakly smiled. Eli tilted her head up to his to kiss her lips. As the kiss intensified, Eli rolled on top of her and began grinding his lips into hers, little did they know her father was coming in downstairs.

He tugged at her shirt and she nodded, sitting up taking it off. As they were about to rekindle the kiss they heard a loud voice, "What the hell are you doing?"

Clare instantly threw Eli off and jumped off the bed, "What are you doing here?" She asked her dad.

"Did I say you could have boys in the house?" He asked coming closer to her. "DID I?"

"No." She muttered. He slapped her in her face and she teared. Eli's mouth fell agape as he moved to pull Clare towards him.

"Who the fuck are you?" Randall yelled.

"Her boyfriend, why are you hitting her?"

"Stay out of it."

"Not if you're hitting my girlfriend."

"Eli, just stop." She said trying to loosen his grip from her arm.

"But Clare…"

"No Eli." She muttered.

"Didn't I tell you, you weren't allowed to have a boyfriend?" Randall said pushing her down to the floor. "Answer me!"

"Yes, I'm sorry." She whimpered looking up towards Eli. "Leave."

He shook his head.

"Please." She mouthed.

"No."

She looked back up at her dad, "Can you just stop daddy please? Not in front of my boyfriend."

"I don't give a fuck." He said unbuttoning his pants. Eli's eyes widened and stood in between Clare and her dad, "Get away from here."

"Move!"

"Clare, get up." Eli said turning around. She moved away and stood up putting her shirt back on.

"Fine, go now. But it'll be worst when you come back." He glared at Clare and slammed the door on his way out. Eli looked at Clare with his jaw clenched and walked out to her balcony climbing down to the ground.

"Wait, Eli." Clare followed to the car. "Are you okay?"

"I'm done."

"What? Why?"

"Why the hell didn't you tell me this was happening to you? When you told me about having sex with those guys and the abortion, you said that was all. Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"I don't know." She muttered.

Eli scoffed and hopped in his car. "Eli, stop." She quickly sped to the passenger's side, "Don't you see that I need you, with all this stuff happening to me. You're the only thing keeping me sane. Eli, I need you."

"Is he raping you?"

"No."

"Then what was he doing unbuttoning his pants?"

"He-he makes me give him blow jobs."

"Oh my god." Eli buried his face in the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry." She said putting her hand on his thigh. He removed it, "Does your mom know?"

"She can't do anything about it. She's drunk all the time so she wouldn't care anyway."

"This is too much."

Clare bit her inner cheek waiting for him to say something more.

"Eli…"

"What?" He asked sitting up, facing her.

"I'm sorry, please."

Eli shook his head, "We have to end this, I can't do it. You can stay at my house to avoid your dad but we're not together anymore."

"Why?"

"Because you lied to me about this and the cutting, you keep hurting yourself and something's bound to happen and I can't lose you if we're still together."

"So your only solution is to end this? What about working it out?"

"How Clare? If you're so smart, tell me how when you don't tell me anything."

"Because I cant Eli. It's not like I cheated and didn't tell you. This is my personal life I didn't feel comfortable sharing."

"But I'm your boyfriend."

"So what? It's still personal."

"Whatever. We're done. Do you want to stay here or at my house?"

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Clare, I'm done talking about it."

"What happened to loving me? You cant just forget about someone so easily after saying you love them."

"Well love isn't enough for me to stay evidently. Clare, you know my reasons just stop talking please."

"I hate you, you don't even try to understand where I'm coming from. Thanks to you I'm gonna start again, asshole." She slammed the car door walking back into her house, running upstairs to her bathroom locking the door.

_All this time spent in vain _

_Wasted years _

_Wasted gain _

_All is lost _

_Hope remains _

_And this war's not over_

**First song is Little Bit by Madi Diaz. Second song is Shattered by Trading Yesterday. I think I used both those songs but whatever. I love sad chapters which is why I keep doing them and the next chapter will be on but I guarantee the ending will be happy. Review**


	7. Chapter 7

**Tori nosetlikeamovieset, Much long review. Thanks for the feedback. Enjoy**

The next day Clare had to force herself out of bed. She definitely wasn't in the mood to go to school considering she didn't have anyone. She stuck with Eli since she met him and now that they were back at the start, she was going back to being a loner. She just prayed she wouldn't run into Eli at all during school.

Clare had to wear her arm warmers today because there was no amount of makeup that could completely cover up the extreme damages she made on her wrist. She was dressed, grabbed her bag, keys and her phone and walked to school.

She soon arrived just in time before the first bell. She sped to class and sat in her seat. It was a normal day considering Eli wasn't in this class anyway; all she needed to worry about was avoiding him in the halls.

That class soon ended and as she was making her to her locker, she ran into Eli. Her jaw clenched as she walked around him, ignoring his existence

The entire day went on like that .She avoided him when she could. At lunch, they both sat alone at different tables. The only bad thing about constantly being with Eli was she didn't bother to make friends, not that she would if she hadn't met him.

XXX

School was over and Clare was making her way back home. As soon as the bell rang, she sped out of class just wanting to curl in her bed and drown in her misery.

She arrived home and walked up to her room and stumbled when she noticed her dad on her bed, "What are you doing in here?"

"You and your little boyfriend broke up."

"How'd you know that?"

"That argument yesterday, you stormed in the house and I saw it."

"Um okay, why are you in my room?"

Randall got up moving closer to Clare as she nervously looked up with him, "Can you get out? I wanna sleep."

He took her arm and pushed her on the bed, "Not today please." She begged.

"Oh you don't have to worry about a blow job today."

"What?" Clare questioned. He began to unbutton her pants when she jumped back, "No, what are you doing?"

"Your mom cant give me any since she's always drunk off her ass so I guess you'll have to."

"No." Clare jumped up from her bed but he pulled her back and smacked her.

"Lay the fuck down." Clare swallowed the lump in her throat, "No I'm not, I'm not having sex with you. You're my dad."

Randall scoffed and pulled her back down on the bed. "Either I tie you up and I do this or you just shut and stay calm?"

"No I cant." She said closing in her legs.

He grabbed her legs pulling them apart and pulling her closer as she kicked him. "Stop you fucking creep." Randall pulled scarves out of his back pocket he knew he was bound to use since he was planning this.

"I knew you were gonna make me use them." He took them out as Clare hid her arms behind her back and tugged in her legs.

"Lay down."

"No, leave me alone." He punched her in her face causing her to cry and lie down. He tied up her arms and her legs. Clare simply cried knowing she had over no control as he pulled her pants and panties down. He unbuckled his pants and pulled down his boxers and was soon inside her.

XXXX

Clare lied curled on her bed crying since he left her room. She couldn't take it anymore. Maybe Eli had the right idea. She got up from her bed, pulling out a duffel bag and began throwing some clothes in there. She went to the bathroom grabbing her toothbrush and took the razor for when she felt weak. She finished grabbing necessities and threw them in. She threw on a jacket, grabbed her bag and climbed off her balcony making her way to Eli's house.

She soon arrived and looked up to his window realizing it was on. She gently knocked on the door waiting for an answer.

It was about 3 am so she figured he was sleeping but desperately needed him to wake up. After constant ringing and hard banging on the door, no one answered so she tried his cell. When he didn't answer, after the third call, she knew he was either a deep sleeper or wasn't home. She contemplated going home but was honestly too afraid to go back home.

She sat down on his porch and pulled her knees to her chest and cried herself to sleep in the chilly weather.

XXX

Eli awoke at about 5 for school and groaned as he got up. He grabbed his phone from his nightstand and saw 3 missed calls. He saw they were all from Clare. He attempted to call her back and she didn't answer. He thought back to the relationship she had with her dad and suspected something was up. He quickly got dressed not caring how tired he looked, wanting to see if Clare was okay whether they were together or not. He slipped on some sweats, a t shirt and a jacket. He grabbed his keys and left the house and saw Clare sleeping on his porch. His eyebrows formed together in a questioning look as he knelt down next to her.

"Clare…."

"Clare, wake up." She wouldn't wake up and Eli didn't wanna keep her outside. He picked her up and she groaned in her sleep. He wrapped her arms around his neck and carried her up to his room. He lied her down on her bed, pulling the blanket on her body. He ran back downstairs to her bag and put it near his bed. He figured he would stay home for the day just to make sure Clare was okay.

He took a quick shower and went downstairs hopping on the couch watching a movie.

XXXX

It was about 1 in the afternoon when he heard someone walking down the steps. He looked up and saw her and faintly smiled.

"Hi." She awkwardly smiled. "How did I get here?"

"You were sleeping on my porch and I saw you called, so I was gonna see if you were okay and saw you. I didn't want you to stay in the cold so here you are."

"Oh." She responded sitting on the end of the couch.

"Why were you out there anyway?"

Clare shook her head as she buried her face in her palms.

"It was your dad, wasn't it?" She nodded as she began to tear. He got up and sat next to her rubbing her back.

"Did he go further than usual?"

She looked at him and nodded, "I feel even worst than I did. Just another reason for me to be a slut."

"You're not a slut, Clare. He raped you, it wasn't your fault."

"Still, its not fair." She cried. "Why is my life so hard?"

Eli didn't know what to say and pulled her so she can lie in his chest. She pulled back and moved away from him.

"You alright?" He asked looking up at her.

"Yeah but I don't-I don't wanna see more that's there when it's not. I don't know want my feelings for you to grow anymore so I need to go." She said going upstairs to get her bag.

He saw her coming down stairs tying her hair up.

"I'm gonna go..um somewhere but thanks for letting me sleep here."

"Clare, you cant leave." Eli said getting up to the couch to stop her.

"Why?"

"He's gonna do it again."

"I don't have a choice."

"Stay in my house."

She shook her head looking down, "I cant, when you're being so nice to me, I'm falling for you even more and I have to stop Eli."

"So what? That's better than actually getting raped.

"I'm not so sure it is."

"So you're going back home?"

Clare shrugged, "I don't know. I don't have a place to go."

"Clare, I cant let you be homeless."

"I'm not, I'll be fine. Ive always on my own and I'm fine Eli. Don't worry."

"Okay, be careful."

She nodded as she opened the door to leave. He pulled her back and kissed her on her cheek, "Be careful and call me if you need me."

"Okay." She muttered as she smiled and left his house.

XXX

Clare had been out and about for three days. She hadn't attended school wanting to avoid all contact from the people who knew her especially Eli. She had been sleeping in the nearest park since she left Eli's house. He tried calling her a couple of times as well as her dad but she ignored them.

This was her third night in the park and she wrapped up in her blanket. She had cried herself to sleep every night, having nightmares and flashbacks of that terrifying moment. She knew her dad was crazy but didn't know he would go that far, she still had faith he truly loved up though his head was messed up.

She heard her phone ringing and pulled it out the side of her bag. She saw it was Eli again and ignored it. He soon sent her a text after she rejected his call.

_Hey, why haven't you been in school? I'm worried about you Clare, just let me know you're okay._

_Eli_

Clare felt bad about ignoring him so much after he worried before she left. She worked the courage up to text him back.

_I'm fine Eli. I promise. And I just don't want to be around people right now_

_Clare_

_Where are you staying? I went to your house and I know you're not staying there_

_Eli_

Clare clenched her jaw at the text that he went to her house.

_Why would you go to my house? So my dad can hurt you too?_

_Clare_

_Clare, I'm just scared. Please just tell me where you are, I want to come get you. Let's talk_

_Eli_

_About?_

_Clare_

_Everything, please._

_Eli_

_Im at the park…_

_Clare_

Clare didn't get responded and stuffed her phone back in her bag. She curled up on the bench getting uncomfortable preparing herself for another night of rest.

She saw a car pulling up and knew it was Eli. She stayed rested on the bench until he came up to her.

"You were staying in the park?" He asked kneeling down on the ground in front of her.

"Kind of my only option."

"You have my house."

"Eli, I told you why I cant."

"No Clare, I don't care if you still like me, you're not safe in the streets."

She sat up on the bench, "Eli, I'm fine. I can handle it. You act like I'm child and-"

"I'm worried." He interrupted.

"I get it but I was on my own before I met you and I can do it. I'm so messed up right now, I'm depressed and you aren't helping. You made me feel like shit. You left me when I needed you most and I can never get close to someone because this always happens to me. I thought you would be the one person to understand since you go through the same thing with the cutting but evidently not. Eli, I love you and its killing me to not be with you and the fact you just let me go with a bullshit explanation, you didn't love me back. Now you actually want to care when I get raped. You knew what my dad was doing to me and you left as soon as you found out. Imagine what I go through having no one. You don't understand anything I go through and you leave once you get overwhelmed. If you really love me you wouldn't have done that and I just need to be alone, I-I just I cant deal with people right now, I want to kill myself Eli, I cant do this and I need you so much but you clearly don't and-"

Eli didn't want to hear her explanation as he gripped her face and he smashed his lips to hers. Clare was shocked at first but gripped his face as she returned the kiss. Eli glided his tongue in her mouth and gripped her waist pulling her closer to the edge of the bench. He rubbed her thighs as they intensified the kiss. He soon pulled back, "I love you."

"Why did you that?" She asked breathless.

"I love you."

She looked down and shook her head, "You don't."

He lifted her head up to look at him, "I do. So much. Why do you think I cared so much?"

"I don't know." She muttered.

"Clare, I love you a lot and I want you to stay with me."

She shook her head, "I cant."

"Why the hell not?"

"We're not together."

"We can get back together."

"So you can leave as soon as you find out something else."

"I wont leave you again."

"I don't believe you. You left me so easily, I still cant believe you would do that. Eli, you hurt me. Look." She said pulling up her jacket sleeves and pulling down her arm warmers. "You fucking caused this." She yelled gesturing to her deep red scars. "I'm sorry, I need to go." She said fixing her jacket and grabbing her bag.

Eli jumped up and stopped her and kissed her again.

"Stop kissing me." She said pushing him back.

"I'm sorry Clare, I understand and it wont happen again."

"Eli, please just let go of me. You will never understand, I need to go."

"Where?"

"I don't know, I just need to get away from you."

"You want to be with me and I want to be with you, why are you making this so difficult?"

"Because you're gonna leave me again." She yelled.

"I'm not."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I realized I made a huge mistake before."

Clare bit her inner cheek, "I cant."

"So you don't love me?"

"Of course I do, you're everything to me but I'd rather be alone living in a park than be with you again and have you break my heart."

"Let's make a deal."

"What?"

"If you I break your heart again, you could cut off my junk."

Clare giggled, "That's not happening."

"I'm so serious, that's why I'm telling you I'm not gonna leave you. Baby, please."

"I'll think about it."

"And until then?"

"Nothing."

"So where are you gonna stay?"

"Here."

Eli shook his head, "Not happening."

"Well I'm not staying with you."

"And you cant stay at your parents' house."

"Exactly, this is my only option."

"One night Clare, just one night at my house. You don't even have to acknowledge me if you don't want, I swear we don't have to act like a couple and flirt, we'll just be like roommates. Clare, we will keep our distance until you make up your mind. I just don't want you sleeping in a park."

"Okay." She mumbled.

"You'll stay with me?"

"In your house, not with you." He nodded as he grabbed her bag and walked her to Morty. She hopped in and they drove off to his house in silence.

They soon arrived, Eli grabbed her bag and he walked in. He led her up to his room. "You can sleep in here."

"Where are you sleeping?"

"Don't worry about me. If you need me, I'll be down the hall."

"Okay." She said.

"Can I get a kiss before you go to bed?" He asked.

She shook her head but kissed his cheek. "Goodnight."

He smirked and said goodnight and closed the door behind her and made his way to the guest room, dreaming about Clare that night.

XXX

Clare changed into her clothes and was about to lie in the bed when she saw a picture on his computer table. It was a picture of him and her they took at his house that she suspected he developed and put it in a frame. It strucked her that he didn't take it down when they broke up. She lied down and turned off the light, taking the picture and looking at it. She smiled as she fell asleep with the picture beside her.

**Sad chapters are the best, it's so fun writing them. Review**


	8. Chapter 8

**This is such a weird chapter to me but I hope you enjoy**

Eli awoke because of his alarm and tiredly walked downstairs. He recalled Clare being in his house and made them both some breakfast. After he settled the food down on the table, he went up to his room to wake Clare up. He leaned down in front of her when he was about to gently shook her, when he noticed the picture of them together that was usually on his computer table was under her arm. It was of Clare sitting on Eli's lap at her family reunion in the backyard. He smirked to himself at the picture that a time, they were both so happy and he just stared at it, taking in her beauty.

To prevent tears bound to come, he put the picture back on the table, standing up and shook her to wake her up. After about 10 minutes of trying to wake her up, they were downstairs eating pancakes in silence.

"Where's your parents?" Clare spoke.

"Work. You'll see them when we get home from school."

"Actually I'm gonna leave."

"What? Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I know your mom hates me and I don't want to be here while she is and for her to talk to me and figure out why I'm staying here."

"You don't have say anything to her if you don't want."

Clare shook her head, "Its just better for me to leave now."

"And what about school?"

"I haven't been going and I don't plan on going now. I just need you to stop being concerned, okay?"

"I cant do that Clare."

"Why not?"

He didn't want to tell her the real reason he cared. The real reason he kept chasing after her begging her to stay at his house. How happy it made him to see her snuggling that picture. How much he missed her and kissed to just hug or kiss her again. Just for her to sit in his lap. He wasn't about to tell her he was still madly in love with her and get rejected again.

Clare realized Eli wasn't gonna responded and she got up, throwing her plate in the sink. She went back upstairs to take a shower, got dressed, grabbed her bag and walked downstairs.

"Bye Eli."

"When will I see you again?" He asked coming up to her.

"I don't know, I'm not coming back to school."

"You know you're gonna get left back right?"

"I don't really care."

"Are you going back to the park?"

"Probably."

"Be safe please."

She nodded, said her goodbye and left his house. She walked about half a mile to the park. She settled down and stayed there the entire day. People were in school so she didn't have to worry about so many kids coming to the park. Night had fallen and Clare was freezing and her jacket wasn't enough to keep her warm. She was freezing and didn't know how much longer she could stay out in this weather.

She decided to get up and keep moving. She crossed a block and read the sign above, _Homeless Youth. _She bit her inner lip nervously and walked up inside.

"Hello?"

"Hey sweetie, everything okay?"

"I was wondering can I stay here for a bit?"

"What's the case?"

"My dad is abusive and raped me and I can't stay there anymore."

"As soon as you sign some papers, we can get you a room." Clare nodded and sat down waiting for the woman to hand her a couple of documents to sign.

XXX

It's been about two weeks since Clare checked herself into the shelter and Eli didn't have an idea. Clare told him she would be in the park most likely, he checked before school, when he got home and even at night wanting to see her, make sure she was okay but it was no use. She was avoiding him, she wanted to get away but Eli couldn't take it.

He was looking for her for about 3 hours. He was driving around the neighborhood of the park for a while and for about the third time, he came across a teen shelter. He was rather curious and figured it couldn't be a damage to try. He parked the car and walked inside.

He went up to the desk and confronted the lady.

"Hi, I'm looking for Clare Edwards. Do you know if she's staying in here?"

"Last name again?"

"Edwards."

The employee looked through the list of teen residents and looked up at Eli, "Yes, may I ask why?"

"Can I go see her?"

"She hasn't said she was having visitors so I cant let you in."

"Can you go to tell her Eli Goldsworthy is here to see her." Another employee came out and the one at the desk asked can she go to the back and ask Clare Edwards if Eli was allowed to see her.

Eli patiently waited sitting down waiting for someone to tell him he could go in until he heard a voice, "Eli…"

Eli looked up and saw Clare in front of him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked standing up.

"What are you doing here is the question."

"I was looking all around for you for three hours, how long have you been here?"

"Let's not talk about this please."

"Why not?"

"Its private."

"Then let's go to your room."

Clare led the way, telling the woman that she would escort Eli out before dawn. She went in her room, closed it and they sat on her bed.

"Have you been here since you left my house?"

Clare nodded avoiding eye contact.

"Why would you stay here when you can stay in my house with perfectly sane people."

"Everyone is sane, you're being so judgmental and you're one to talk."

"That's not what I meant, I just-wouldn't you rather stay with people who care about you?"

"I would if those people existed."

"Me and my family."

"First of all, your mom hates me so I don't what you're talking about. You broke up with me, abandoned me so you're off the list and I barely know you're dad so I'd prefer this."

"Clare, I made a mistake."

"Obviously." She spat.

He gently tilted her head up to look at him. He stared at her with lustful eyes trying to get her to break and kiss him.

"Don't stare at me like that." She whispered.

"Like what?" He whispered back seductively. She slid to the end of the bed, "You're killing me." She groaned.

"What am I doing?"

"You know what you're doing Eli."

"Look baby-"

"Stop calling me that." She interrupted.

"Clare…I—I screwed up. I love you and I keep chasing after you endlessly and you don't understand how much not having you is killing me. I've never been so motivated to get you back. It's best for both of us to be together. It has to be killing you like it's killing me. I love you and I need you to stay with me. I need to kiss you, I need to see your beautiful smile everyday knowing I'm the cause of it. I need you to be with me. Please." He beseeched.

Clare got up from the bed, "You cant do this to me. You cant just break my heart tremendously when I needed you most and waltz back in and try to get back with me. You cant expect me to take you back by just smothering me with all this bullshit. I told you I don't want to get back together." As Clare continued ranting to him, he got up from the bed and walked slowly towards her as she continued yelling at him oblivious to their close proximity.

"….And if you think me living with you will bring us closer and make me take you back, you're sadly mistaken because I would never-" Eli smashed his lips to Clare's. Clare's eyes widened as she looked at Eli kissing her lips. She fell into his soft luscious lips and kissed back, closing her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck as Eli picked her up. He gripped her face with one cheek, gliding his tongue into her mouth.

Clare didn't hesitate to return it. All their missing affection was poured out in this endless kiss. Clare completely forgetting the whole lecture she just gave Eli because the feeling of his lips against hers brought utter bliss and she didn't want to stop it. They continued to heavily kiss until Eli lied her down on the bed.

He rekindled the kiss and gripped her hips roughly. He began to grind his hips into hers, growing a painful erection. He pulled back from her and took off her shirt. He tugged at her shirt and she sat up taking it off. They continued the kiss as Eli trailed his hands down her chest and squeezed them. He unclasped her bra, throwing it on the floor and his lips attacked her assets.

He gripped her sides as he bobbed his head on her voluminous breasts. Clare gripped his hair and bit her lip knowing if she made any noise, she would be asked to leave, she assumed.

Eli sat up and tugged at her shorts and she arched her hips. He pulled them down with her panties and moved back up to her lips.

"What do you want to do?" She took Eli's hand and brought it to her center.

"Are we back together?" He whispered in her ear, softly rubbing her clit.

She softly whimpered arching her hips.

"Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes."

"Will you be my girlfriend again?"

"Yes Eli." He turned her face to his and sparked up another kiss. He roughly kissed her as he thrust his fingers inside her. She intensified the kiss because of how good his fingers felt inside her.

She pulled back from the kiss, "I want you your mouth down there please."

Eli obliged and removed his hands, replacing it with his mouth. He flicked his tongue inside her and sucked on her clit. He opened her wide, pushing his fingers deep inside her, licking it off making sure Clare saw him.

"Finish." She arched her hips higher.

Eli attached his mouth back at her center and sucked harder as she gripped the pillow roughly, biting her lip in utter need to release. She felt her climax approaching and soon released in Eli's mouth. He crawled back up to her and kissed her lips.

She pulled him back to her, wrapping her legs around his waist and deepened the kiss.

"Do you want to have sex?" He asked.

"I thought you never wanted to sleep with me."

Eli shrugged, "I do."

"I do but I'm not comfortable anymore doing that since….Im sorry."

"It's okay, I understand. Do you think you can come back home with me now?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because….I want to be with you but your mom…I cant."

"Please baby."

"I think you should go."

"What about us? How are we supposed to be together if you stay here?" 

"You can visit me."

"I don't want that."

"What about what I want?"

"I just gave you what you want."

"Excuse me? I'm not with you for you to do that."

"Then why as soon as I do that you say you wanna get back together?"'

"That has nothing to do with it, I just-forget it then, leave. We don't have to be together."

"No, that's not what I'm saying. Just come to my house, we'll live together and leave all your past behind."

"You took advantage of me."

"What?"

"You knew I was vulnerable and used that to your advantage."

"You cant tell me you didn't want that."

"It doesn't matter if I did, you didn't even double check ."

"Since when do I have to ask my girlfriend to touch her."

"Wow, you're such an ass."

"You're not going to even try to make this work, are you?"

"I am trying Eli, I took you back but you keep hurting me, belittling me and it's killing me. You don't know what you're doing to me."

"So you're staying here?"

"Are we together or not?" She asked.

"Yes."

"We're always arguing." Clare pointed out.

"All couples do."

"We argue more than we actually talk or kiss, that's a problem."

"What's your point?"

"We cant make this work no matter how much we believe we can."

"We can."

"You don't get me, you hurt me endlessly."

"But I'm in love with you and I wanna make this work. Let's at least make our way back to where we once were, take it slow until you're comfortable to actually be okay with me and our relationship again.

"Okay, really slow."

"So you come to live with me, things go back to normal and happy ever after right?"

"I hope so Eli. I really do. " She muttered. Eli kissed her lips as he packed her stuff her in her duffel bag, checked out, giving her room up and were on their way back to his house. Fresh start of a renewed relationship.


	9. Chapter 9

**So its been a bit of time. Writers Block is the worst but thanks to the lovely TurboWiz70 for an idea**

Eli and Clare have been dating for about two months exclusively. They had been on good terms ever since the talk in the shelter. Cece was a bit questionable about having Clare stay there but accepted it once Eli begged and said it was under life or death circumstances. They got a long with very little arguments since then and simply grew closer than they already were. Clare cut down with the cutting but not completely, she did maybe once every three weeks averagely just to let it all out, how much she was holding in. Eli wasn't okay with her still doing it, but it was better than her cutting wrists every day. Clare hadn't seen her parents since the last time her dad took it a step to far. Clare didn't know if they were out looking for her but they failed at finding her if that was the case.

Eli and Clare were cuddled up on a blanket on the couch. Eli took her out for a picnic earlier and they just came home not too long ago. Their hands stayed interlocked as Clare rested her head on his chest.

"I love you so much." Eli spoke running his fingers through her auburn curls.

"I love you too." She leaned up and pecked his lips.

Little did Clare know, her parents were on a mad hunt to find Eli's house knowing she was there. Well mainly her dad but Randall dragged Helen along with him.

They went through all of Clare's stuff trying to find his address to no avail. So Randall decided to call the school and say his daughter ran away to her boyfriend's house and needed the address. It wasn't Simpson's job to give away addresses but he didn't deny that it was true and he was close with their parents because of Darcy so he gave it to them.

Helen and Randall pulled up across the street from the house and walked to the door, banging on it. Eli helped Clare off of him as he got to the door and answered it. His eyes widened with confusion, "What are you doing here?"

"Where's my daughter?" He busted through the house and saw Clare on the couch.

"Let's go." He said pulling her arm off the couch, dragging her to the door.

"Get off of me." She forced. "Why are you here?"

"You decided to run away and I'm just finding you after like 3 months."

"What do you expect when you rape me?" She yelled back. Helen was in the corner, sitting on the couch in her own world, oblivious to her surroundings.

"Clare, it won't happen again." He said calmly though obviously lying.

"I don't care, I'm staying here."

"This all your fault, you little bastard." He turned to Eli punching him in the face.

"Dad!" She ran over to him to comfort him, "Are you okay? Is your nose bleeding?"

He nodded, "I'm fine." He said holding his nose up as he went to the bathroom to clean it.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to hurt the only person that makes me happy?"

"Clare bear, I make you happy."

"Stop it!" She yelled. "Please leave, you're scaring me. You have your wife, why do I have to do those horrific things to you?"

"Because she doesn't want to."

"And neither do I." She defended.

"But the thing is you don't have a choice, I have control over you."

"Not that much control."

"You know you like it; you don't have to hide it for your little boyfriend."

"You're absolutely sick, I don't understand what goes through your mind that your willing to have sex with your 15 year old daughter."

Eli came back out with tissue covering his nose. Clare held Eli's hand as her and her dad continued to go back and forth. It wasn't really Eli's position to step in but if it got physical, then he would do so without second thought. Their never ending conversation was getting to Eli and he just wanted to spend time with his girlfriend without the invasion.

"Um can you leave?" Eli interrupted. "Evidently she's content living with her boyfriend than her drunken mom and rapist of a dad, not to mention abusive. So can you just go?"

"It's not any of your business."

"But it is when it's my girlfriend and you're in my house."

"Dad, leave please." Clare begged.

"I need you."

"No you don't, you just want me to take away your sexual frustration. I'm not doing it again."

"Clare…"

"Dad, you need help." She interrupted. "You need therapy. This isn't normal."

"Do you think I care what's normal? I fucking want you."

Her eyes widened and she looked at Eli who was simply confused, "Will you go to therapy?"

"No."

"What if I come back home? If you go to therapy or the doctor or psychologist or something then I'll move back home."

"Clare…" Eli tugged her arm slightly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to help him."

"Are you seriously thinking about going back to him?"

"If he gets help then it won't be a problem." Eli put aside his confusion and slight anger.

"Will you go dad?"

"Then take me, I just want you to come back home."

"Can we go please?" She asked looking up at Eli.

"Whatever." He grabbed his keys and they exited the house. Clare helped her mom up to go Eli's car and they all hopped in.

Eli drove off to a nearby psychologist that was actually located in a hospital. Him, dealing with his bi polar disorder and his parents in a need to figure out why he crashed his car, they drove to many therapists so he knew where they were. They exited the car and went inside.

Clare went to the front desk as the rest of them sat down, "Hi, I'm here for my dad."

"What for sweetie?"

"To talk to a psychologist or something? Possibly do a brain scan or something?"

"Sure, just sign your name and we'll call you in a bit." Clare smiled politely, signed her name and sat down. She sat down next to Eli across from her parents.

"Are you okay?" She asked taking his hand.

"I just don't want you moving back in with him."

"Why not?"

"Because he hurts you. I don't understand why you would even want to go back."'

"If he gets help, I said I will. If he's still the same way he is now, then I won't."

Eli nodded and kissed her lips and she deepened the kiss before he could pull back.

"Clare!" Her dad yelled. The broke apart to see his intense glare deepening inside them. "I seriously think he's jealous." Eli pointed out.

"Which is why he needs help. What 40 year old is infatuated with their 15 year old daughter? I feel like something is seriously wrong, it doesn't make sense."

Within minutes, Clare's name was soon called. They all went in the back and was led by a lady to a room. They sat down and soon a lady in a trench white jacket came walking in.

"Hello there."

"Hi." They said awkwardly in unison.

"So what's the case?"

Clare swallowed the lump in her throat and turned to her dad, "Do you want to tell them?"

He shook his head giving Clare the chance to do so, "My dad rapes me and abuses me. And he makes me do sexual things for him and I moved in with my boyfriend. Well ran away but he found me and wants me back and I don't think I can move back if he's still like this. So I wanted to know if you can help him or actually figure out what's wrong.

"Of course, we can definitely do that with weekly therapy sessions, we can do a brain scan, see where that goes."

"Will you be able to do the scan now?"

"Are you up for it Mr. Edwards?" He nodded and followed the psychologist out the room. Clare held Eli's hand as they patiently waited.

"How have you been mom?"

"Good." She faintly and dazedly smiled. An hour had passed and they still weren't back. Clare began to grow a bit panicky but tried to ignore it to the best of her ability and think positive. She wanted to have a father daughter relationship with her dad but the way he was now, she knew it was impossible.

The lady soon came back and Clare was worried when she didn't see her dad trailing behind.

"So I have news."

"Um what is it?"

"Your dad has a brain tumor." Clare's mouth fell agape not comprehending the explanation.

"That's the reason he does the things he does. He isn't aware of it to an extent, if we take out the tumor; he will go back to normal ways and won't recall what he did to you. The brain tumor can grow back though but we're going to try to remove it completely to prevent that. He is still in there and if you want to start the process now, we can."

Clare nodded as she buried her face in her hands letting out tears. "Baby, it's okay." Eli softly rubbed her back, kissing her hair.

"I'll leave you for a moment."

Eli nodded as she exited. Eli pulled Clare in his lap, "I'm so sorry but he'll get help and it'll be okay."

"I just feel like an idiot for being so mean to him."

"Though he has the tumor, that doesn't take away from his actions Clare. You had every right to be mad. And as soon as the process is done, he will be the dad you always hoped for, I promise. You just have to give it a chance."

She nodded as she sobbed into his chest, "I love you."

"I love you too and everything's gonna work out."


End file.
